


12 Days of Alvie-mas

by AlviePines



Series: Transcendence AU [3]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: 12 Days of Christmas, Christmas, Christmas Music, Mischief, More tags to be added, Pranks, alvie is a little shit, who loves his dad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:48:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21792508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlviePines/pseuds/AlviePines
Summary: A oneshot every day, featuring our chaotic little mischief-maker Al-V during Christmastime.
Series: Transcendence AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593538
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	1. Jingle Bells

Somehow, the Alcor Virus went for a good decade without touching Christmas. The reason was a mystery-- it’s not like he didn’t know about the holiday-- but it wasn’t until the first snowfall of 2747 that Al-V took a good look at the humans around him. 

Through security cameras around the country, he saw the beginnings of the typical and ruthlessly quick shift between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Halfhearted turkey displays were dismantled and hastily replaced with smiling little elves (which looked nothing like actual elves, despite it being centuries after the Transcendence). Paper snowflakes were hung in windows, red suits were donned by hired actors, and classic Christmas music drifted through malls. 

And of course, Al-V thought, it was the perfect day to sow some unhinged chaos into the lives of unsuspecting mall-goers. After all, the stores were practically flooding with parents and teens going Christmas shopping. Children hung around their chaperones and harassed an actor in a Santa suit, while employees grumbled about the holiday rush when they thought they couldn’t be heard (but Al-V could always hear). 

The perfect environment. So, it was with great joy that the virus inserted himself into the system controlling the mall’s speakers, and cheerfully perused the internet for his music selection. 

Heheh. The perfect song. 

Al-V lined up his selection perfectly. 

Below and around him, humans went about their lives. 

Suddenly, the cheerful rendition of _Jingle Bells_ that had been playing throughout the mall jumped, cut, and switched to a screeching, unholy heavy metal cover of the same song. 

There was a shocked pause as every person in the mall noticed the music at once, a moment when the only sound was screaming and shredding chords (a sound Dad would have appreciated), before all hell broke loose. 

Parents clapped their hands over their childrens’ ears in defense to the inappropriately butchered lyrics, teenagers burst out laughing, and the explosion of noise made the poor overworked employees wince. Soon enough, the Karens separated from the crowd to demand answers as a group of fifteen year olds began to mime a rock band in the center of the mall. 

Above it all, in and around and below the chaos, the Alcor Virus admired his work. 

[ Merry Christmas, Dad. Hope you like it. ]


	2. its the thought that counts

Dipper settled on the couch with a soft “oomph.” Thomas looked up, took note of his demonic roommate, and turned back to his work. 

After a moment of silence, Dipper sighed loudly. 

Thomas continued typing. 

Dipper frowned and leaned over the armrest. “I have a problem,” he all but whined. 

Thomas looked up and turned off his computer with a click. He spun around in his chair so that he was facing Dipper. “Well, what is it?” 

“It’s Christmas soon.” 

“And?” 

“And I don’t have a present for Mizar!”

“So…” Thomas said. “Why don’t you go get her one? You can make money out of thin air, right? Money isn’t a problem?” 

“No, no of course it’s not. But I just… I don’t know what to get her.” Dipper draped his arm over the couch and directed his defeated pout at the ceiling. “You know I’ve been so busy with you and college lately, and I only introduced myself to Amy last year. I hardly know her-- I mean, I should have a good idea of what my sister likes, but I hardly know her! What am I supposed to get her?” 

“Well, you could just not get her anything,” Thomas suggested. “I don’t think it would be a surprise that a demon isn’t celebrating a Christian holiday.” 

“NO! Not an option!” Dipper cried. “ _I_ don’t even celebrate Christmas, but _she_ does.” 

Thomas opened his computer again. 

“Oh no you don’t-- don’t go ignoring me again! I need your help, Thomas!”

\------

“Brad, I need your help.”

“AAAUGH! Holy shit, Tyrone!” Brad clutched his chest with wide eyes. “Don’t scare me like that, dude!” 

Dipper, who had popped into the physical plane directly in front of him and was now hovering three feet off the ground, paid him no mind. 

“What present do you get for a girl you hardly know?” 

Brad blinked slowly. “Uhh, Ty, are you trying to pick up a girl? I thought you weren’t interested in that kind of thing?” 

“What? No! This is for Mizar!” Dipper spluttered, ears flushing red. 

“Well…” Brad nodded towards his computer, which was open to the TwinCon ticketing page. 

Dipper’s face turned redder at the sight of him and Mizar’s novel counterparts embracing on the website’s header. “Really, Brad? I trusted you!” With that he dissolved away in a cloud of steam.

\------

Maria was not even an option.

\------

“--and no one has been helpful, and I really just need some help with this present, okay?”

Eduardo shrugged. “I don’t know her either, man. Maybe you should just ask her.”

\------

“Mmmmph.”

[ Dad? ] 

Dipper looked up upon hearing the tiny _blip_ that accompanied Al-V’s speech bubble. He was back in his and Thomas’ apartment, alone this time, and waiting for Thomas to get back from the labs. He had left his computer at home, because the one at work was automatically backed up with his work anyways, and had left it open in his apparent rush. 

On the screen, a tiny pixelated sprite that looked like Dipper’s miniature hovered among the text. 

[ You look unhappy. Why? ] 

Dipper sighed and pulled himself into a sitting position. “Hey, kid. I’m just frustrated, is all. And worried that I’m a bad brother.” 

[ A bad brother? Did you do something wrong? ] 

“I don’t know what to get Amy for Christmas. I’m her brother, but I haven’t even spent enough time around her to know what she likes.” 

[ Oh. ] 

A beat. 

[ I could help you! ] 

[ I can analyze shopping websites! Companies collect user demographic information. It would be easy to find the most trafficked items for her age, gender, and location. ] 

“Oh. I guess you’re right. You’d do that for me?” 

The little sprite beamed. [ Of course, Dad! ] 

Dipper smiled a bit. “Thanks, kid.”

\------

After sifting through information from the top 100 online shopping websites, Al-V neatly organized his data in a spreadsheet. He even made sure to make it decipherable to human minds and eyes, although Dad didn’t really need that kind of consideration. The conclusion about what to buy was Dad’s to make, but with this list, Al-V was sure the current Mizar would like it. After all, he’d factored in every possible detail about her into the demographic parameters and sorted by popularity. Human behavior was predictable enough to ensure his success.

\------

Dipper was nervous.

He’d chosen carefully, agonized over Al-V’s data and even asked for more details, before settling on this gift. 

Amy sat in front of him, holding the small wrapped box in her hands. Dipper floated apprehensively a few feet away, twisting his clawed fingers together and avoiding eye contact. 

“Hmm, can I guess what it is?” she asked playfully. 

Dipper nodded, too anxious to speak. 

“Is it… a pencil set?” 

No. 

“Or… a fairy wand?” 

Hadn’t even crossed his mind. 

“Maybe a dress?” 

Definitely not. 

She stopped trying to guess and pulled off the wrapping paper. Underneath was a cardboard box, and inside the cardboard box was his gift. 

It was a set of oil paints. They were small, but varied in color, and came with four brushes and a little tube of linseed oil. 

It had not been on Al-V’s list at all. 

Amy looked at it in wonder for a moment. “How did you know I wanted to learn?” 

“I… didn’t,” Dipper admitted. “I just guessed. I know we don’t… know each other very well yet, but I watched you painting with acrylics and I figured… you might want to widen your horizons?” 

She grinned. “I love it! Will you teach me?” 

“Teach you-- I mean, yeah, of course! I’d love to teach you!” He grinned sheepishly. “Let’s do it!”

\------

Later, Al-V pouted expertly, an art he had learned from his dad.

[ I can’t believe you didn’t use it! ] 

[ You didn’t even need my help! ] 

“Hey kid, bold of you to assume I didn’t buy the thing,” Dipper said. He pulled something out of thin air and waved it around with a flourish. It was a set of sparkly nail polish for tween girls. “This is for you!” 

[ I can’t even use this, ] Al-V complained. There were tiny pixelated tears gathering in the sprite’s eyes regardless. 

“It’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?”


	3. 12 Days of Micor Christmas

There’s a new trend in the Twin Souls fandom.

Al-V has algorithms watching them all the time—collecting data from 14 search engines, sorting according to user demographics, filing results into categories from mildly disgusting to “Alcor might end the world if he sees this.” Usually these methodical searches bring back minute changes in the popular tags, or shifts in shipping preferences, or—Al-V’s personal favorite—some rabid new discourse topic. 

But the holiday season is approaching fast, and with it, new seasonally-themed fanfiction. 

Al-V sets a few search parameters and pulls up a list, following the link to the first title he finds. 

—

**12 Days of Micor Christmas** by **alcors_top_hat**

a oneshot collection for eveybody’s favorite couple! maybe has some woodstar too ;)) 

#micor #mizarxalcor #oneshots #alternateuniverse #humanau #demonmizarau #woodcor #woodstar #alcor #mizar #woodsman #wenda #gliese #christmas #bonding

—

Never let it be said that Al-V hates cringy fanfiction—he loves it. Loves to ruin it, that is. 

He opens the website’s source code to edit the text directly. He could hack into the user’s account and have easy access to their feed and comments as well, but that would take a few seconds and Al-V is eager to wreak havoc. 

His first order of business is to change the characters. He could randomize the names but… what would Dad want? He runs a quick analysis, just to update his “what does Dad want” objective, before gleefully changing the ship to Woodzar. He replaces names and rewrites descriptions, then adds a little note at the bottom declaring Woodzar the “best otp 4ever”. He really hopes this author’s followers riot over it. 

He could just leave it at that, but… 

Heh, it's Christmas. The Alcor Virus has to leave his own surprises, doesn’t he? 

It’s easy to code this little gift into the page. 

\----------

Chelsea is happy to log into her account after school. She posted the first chapter in her Micor series earlier in the morning, and she’s beyond eager to see the response. 

“Calm down, it’s just the first one,” she mutters to herself. “I’m sure nobody even noticed it yet. It’s not even that good.” Man, she really needs to quit this habit of talking to herself. It’s not good for her self esteem. 

Logging in, she’s surprised to see the flurry of activity in her inbox. Something in her chest flutters at the sight of the bright red **[35+]** in the corner of her screen. Sure, she has a following, but this has to be the first time she’s gotten such an immediate response! 

She clicks on the notifications, ready for the usual “omg i loved it soooo much” times-ten, and instead found… what? 

_[ uhm… this is rude as fuck. what did micor shippers do to you? ]_

Does that mean they didn’t like it? 

_[ jeez just say u hate popular things and go ]_

_[ i came here for micor!! @alcors_top_hat i thought u were a micor writer?? ]_

She… she _is_ a Micor writer. What in Alcor’s name is going on? 

Confused, she clicks the link to the original work. 

She is _not_ prepared for the _thing_ that appears on her screen. 

Her work is there, but over the top, an animation plays. A tiny, pixelated Alcor walks along the bottom of the screen, reading her fic and making thinking faces like he’s appraising it. 

Her fingers freeze over the keyboard. Oh stars… the Alcor Virus. Her heart sinks. 

As she watches, the Virus clicks its tongue disapprovingly and climbs up to the first line. (It uses the lines of text like ladder rungs, which would be interesting if she weren’t currently focused on the program that is _certainly_ going to destroy her writing in a matter of seconds. Stars, stars, why hasn’t she kept a backup?)

To her horror, the sprite opens its mouth impossibly wide, showing off rows of razor-sharp teeth just like its namesake’s, and bites down on the first word. He rips it off, chews, swallows. Moves on to the next word. 

Chelsea comes to her senses a moment later, and frantically starts trying to save her work—but the tab won’t close, dammit, and the stupid little sprite is still chomping down on her words. 

“Please, please stop!” She doesn’t know if it can hear her, but—oh. It just turned its head. It grins at her. A little yellow speech bubble pops up above its head. 

[ Yeah? And what can you give us? ] 

“Give… who?” 

[ Me and Dad! ] 

Oh. Oh hell no. Making a deal with Alcor? Sure, maybe she’s dreamed about it sometimes, but she is _not_ ready right now. 

Chelsea closes the computer. To hell with her fanfiction; she’s more worried about whether or not she needs to burn her laptop now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eheh, i actually feel kinda sorry for chelsea. twin souls is gross but nobody deserves hate like that :(

**Author's Note:**

> here's the first fic for alviemas! 
> 
> i have the next three written, but i also have finals to get through, so i may lag a day or two—otherwise, im very passionate about the update schedule!


End file.
